We've all seen films or read books where the main characters read and control minds, but
is this actually possible?
No, we cannot literally read and control the minds of others but we can definitely come close.
This is called empathic accuracy and is what we use to measure how well a person 'reads' the words, emotions, and body language of another person. It is what makes some people seem like they can read our minds and it can easily be broken down into 3 different points:
- Speech
- Context
- Body Language
'Reading Minds' can come down to cues from these 3 points, so in order to read minds always look for them.
Speech
Speech stands for people's everyday dialogue or small talk.
When talking to someone listen carefully for both their words and silences. Small talk gives you a chance to see how someone acts normally and when they’re in a relaxed state.
For example, if a friend seems bubbly and talkative when you’re discussing the weather, but takes longer to respond and gives you ambiguous answers when you ask them how their family is doing, their family could be a difficult subject for them.
You might say something like, “How is your sister?” and be met with a moment of silence before your friend responds “I think she’s doing good.”
This is the perfect example of how to read people's minds during small talk. The first rule that you should follow is: Always be observing and listening during speech.
In this example you are doing so, meaning that you can pick up your friend's base emotion (happiness) when talking about a boring subject such as the weather. But then when you ask about their sister you can tell it is a difficult subject for them by 2 things. Words and silence:
Firstly, their long pause (silence) when answering your question shows that they are slow to calculate an answer meaning that it is an ambiguous subject. Secondly, their use of 'I think' shows that they are unsure, not very close to their sister and that they haven't spoken in a while.
To analyze speech use 2 techniques, words and silence.
Constantly apply these techniques to your everyday conversations to have your friends and family amazed as you can now read through their exterior and into their deeper emotions/secrets.
Context
Reading minds isn't just down to body language and speech, a large amount of improving your emotional accuracy is down to context too, but what is context?
Context, much like speech is made up of 2 factors: Mentalizing and Background.
We all mentalize often, whether we realize it or not. Mentalizing is trying to figure out what another person is thinking, so technically this whole article is mentalizing! But this isn't really a technique, it is more of a reminder. You must be trying to mentalize constantly if you want to be able to read minds and be a great friend.
Try to practice mentalizing as often as possible. That could be in your workplace, school, or personal life. Good emotional accuracy is valuable in every one of those aspects, so there's nothing wrong with practicing and perfecting them.
What's Background? Background is context, when trying to read minds it is vital to keep in mind people's different ages, cultures, and beliefs as they can have a serious impact on how people think.
For example, if you’re pitching a business deal to an older person, they might be more concerned about risk than a younger person, who could be excited by it.
And equally, someone from a more traditional and introverted culture may refuse to be controversial, even when they’re upset.
These 2 are great things to keep in mind. Mentalizing as a reminder and Background as a vital technique.
Body Language
Speech and Context are both very important but arguably the most important, Body Language allows you to really see how a person feels and thinks before they have even started talking.
Body Language may be the most important tool but it can take some practice to learn and its benefits are definitely worth the time.
Body language can reveal things about people that they don’t want to say, or that they may not even be aware of themselves. If someone is saying “yes,” but their body language says “no,” it can alert you that something is off. There are whole books written just on body language, but to get started, here are 5 simple things that you should look out for:
- Eyes: When people see something that excites them, when they’re making a hard choice, or when they’re experiencing strong feelings, their pupils tend to get bigger.
- Posture: Does the person you’re talking to seem stiff and tensed up, or relaxed? This can give you a clue as to how stressed they are.
- Facial expressions: A genuine smile involves more than just the lips. If someone is truly smiling, you’ll likely see laugh lines or small wrinkles around their eyes. Someone who is frowning might be upset or angry.
- Hand gestures: Someone who’s nervous might be restlessly playing with a pencil or another object in their hands.
- Tone of voice: A person who is comfortable generally has a relaxed, warm, or confident tone of voice. On the flip side, you might notice that the person sounds annoyed or angry.
We also have some free resources which will help improve your reading of body language, such as flashcards and cheat sheets to help show you what to look for.
Conclusion
Now you know what it takes to read people's minds and improve your emotional accuracy, but remember it isn't an exact science, so be careful. Sometimes you may get it wrong, so don't be too arrogant in your decisions because only they truly know how they feel.
Now when you watch those films and read those books with characters reading minds you can relate, and laugh, because you know that all it needs is observance of Speech, Context, and most importantly Body Language.
So in order to read minds, constantly mentalize and practice, practice, practice.
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